


Take a Deep Breath

by unos



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Body Swap, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Consent, M/M, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-09 14:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unos/pseuds/unos
Summary: Body Swap AU!Yuzuru stares at himself in the mirror. Technically, Yuzuru stares at Shoma’s face in the mirror, but despite the fact that he is looking at Shoma’s features, the expression on that face is all Yuzuru.





	Take a Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [veridical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/veridical/gifts).



> started as a chat!fic, now we're here. Locked bc I don't want anyone googling themselves and stumbling into this mess of shmoopy porn! 
> 
> (thanks to verit for getting me into this mess, enabling, and then fixing all my punctuation. Ur a blessing <3)

 

 

***

Shoma wakes up in a strange bed. He needs to pee but he also needs to continue sleeping, so he shuffles out from under the warmth of the covers with his eyes open as little as possible, spots the door that is, hopefully, the bathroom, and goes.

It _is_ the bathroom.

He knocks his hip on the way on a shelf next to the bed. His hand misses the doorknob on the first try and Shoma has to ruefully open his eyes a little more. The room is half-dim, so it isn’t as bad as expected.

All of his clumsiness is not unusual: Shoma is not the most functional when half-asleep, or tired, or when there are too many people around, but he usually doesn’t feel quite so off.

He pushes his boxers down, sits, pees. It’s all kind of autopilot, because his bed is out there, waiting. He doesn’t want to wake up yet, wants instead to be able to fall right back into bed and into sleep.

In the half-dark of the room, the mirror is a dark sheet in which Shoma can’t quite find his own outlines. Instead, it almost looks like Yuzuru is standing there.

“Weird,” Shoma mumbles. He’s been seeing Yuzu everywhere, lately. It is hard to escape the thought of him, even when not confronted with magazines with his face on the cover, his bright smile in ads on the TV, and the little shrine on his dad’s window sill of all of Shoma’s medals with photographs of him on the podium. Yuzuru is on a few of those, too.

Shoma crawls back to bed, already almost back to sleep. He wraps himself in the covers, feels, for a short moment, almost strange in how much space he takes up. He curls up, arms wrapped around his middle, and mumbles, for no one but himself to hear: “But I do miss him.”

***

They’d spent the last three weeks together. First during Worlds, then they’d go home for a short press tour for which they had been housed in the same hotel, and then, after, World Team Trophy and the Olympic training camp. They hadn’t planned to spend every waking minute together, but they always accidentally ended up doing it anyway: their hotel rooms are on the same floor and their schedules align well enough for them to have breakfast together most of the time. Same training schedule, same warm-up groups, same friend groups, all meant that wherever Yuzuru was invited, Shoma was invited as well.

And when he wasn’t, Yuzuru was the one to invite him along anyway.

But just spending a lot of time together doesn’t explain _this_.

Yuzuru stares at himself in the mirror. Technically, Yuzuru stares at Shoma’s face in the mirror, but despite the fact that he is looking at Shoma’s features, the expression on that face is all Yuzuru. Shoma doesn’t crease his eyebrows like that, doesn’t tilt his chin in and down when he’s upset or frustrated or facing a problem that has no easy solution. Shoma, Yuzuru has found over the past few years of knowing him, mostly goes blank whenever he feels a negative emotion.

Shoma, Yuzuru has learned over the past season, as they had grown to be something closer to friends than just acquaintances and teammates, doesn’t like showing that he is sad, or upset, or angry. Not unless he trusts you. Not unless he considers you a close friend. Not unless the feeling is so overwhelming that he cannot help it.

Yuzuru never wants to damage the trust Shoma puts in him. Doesn’t want Shoma to ever regret giving in to Yuzuru’s persistent attempts of befriending him. He never ever wants Shoma to feel like he cannot show his feelings, can’t express them around Yuzuru.

Staring into Shoma’s eyes that are his own eyes is weird, but he sees Shoma’s eyes so often it’s not as weird as it could be. Knowing that Shoma is probably staring into Yuzuru’s eyes, without Yuzuru in there, looking back at him... that’s weirder. Fuck.

Yuzuru finds Shoma’s phone on the nightstand. It’s not password locked, instead Yuzuru scans Shoma’s thumb to unlock it, resists the temptation to look at Shoma’s music and photos and the games he has downloaded and instead types in his own number.

If Yuzuru is right, Shoma is freaking out at the other end of the world right now. If Yuzuru is right, Shoma woke up in his body, like Yuzuru woke up in Shoma’s.

What the fuck.

Shoma answers on the third ring. Yuzuru’s voice sounds different  than expected, different than interviews have led Yuzuru to believe, and Yuzuru can’t tell whether it’s the phone connection, or just the fact that the person using the voice is someone fundamentally different from him.

“Yuzuru?” comes Shoma’s – well, Yuzuru’s – voice, hesitant and a low rasp that sounds more like Shoma than even Yuzuru’s best impression of him ever could.

“Is that you?”

“Yes, Shoma, hey.” He’s careful to keep his own voice level, sounding like himself, rather than a pale imitation of Shoma. He can’t tell whether it works.

“Do you know-“ Yuzuru can hear Shoma hesitate, rephrase. “Do you know what happened to us?”

“No, I’m sorry. Are you ok?”

He hears a rustle, like Shoma is moving the covers away. That’s good. That means he slept in, and both Shoma and Yuzuru’s body are well-rested.

Shoma sighs, but it comes out pressed, like he’s having trouble to breathe. His voice sounds tight, worried. Stressed. “I don’t know. How are you?”

Yuzuru doesn’t quite know, honestly. He’s been too concerned about everything else: figuring out what happened and possible reasons why, worrying about how Shoma was dealing, worrying about how to reverse it all, that he hadn’t really thought about how he was feeling.

“I guess I’m fine? I mean. I feel fine. It’s a bit weird.”

Shoma hums, considering. He doesn’t sound panicked as much, not exactly, but his breathing is kind of fast and pressed and Yuzuru is worried. His asthma attacks aren’t fun, neither are Shoma’s anxiety attacks. Combining the two would be hell.

“I guess it’s weird that I’m shorter than I’ve been in years, suddenly.”

Shoma gasps out a breath, and just like that, he’s laughing. It’s his stressed laugh, the kind he does in interviews when something funny is happening but the social interaction is too much. It’s strained. But it’s a laugh.

“I don’t know how you live like this! How do you get things from shelves!!”

Shoma calms down, snorts. “Like your noodle body is such an advantage.”

Ah. Yeah, ouch.

“Fair,” Yuzu admits. “But at least I have the height advantage. I guess now I’ll have to work with your body’s superior ability to grow muscle mass, huh.”

“Shit,” Shoma gasps out, still half-amused. “Shit how do we train like this?”

And that snaps Yuzu right back, because Shoma is right. Yuzuru can’t believe he hadn’t thought of this, first. They don’t skate the same, they don’t have similar jumping techniques, and while muscle memory might help with some things, it won’t save them from having to adjust rather a lot.

Depending on how long this situation lasts, this is going to set Yuzuru back in training time, and while it’s not too terrible because it is the off-season, and Yuzu is supposed to rest today anyway, it could turn into a problem, fast. But. Well, there isn’t anything to be done right now. They’ll have to wait and see how it develops.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Shoma. Today was my rest day, and Brian said I could take tomorrow off as well, if I feel like my muscles are still tight or sore. How about you? Are you on for training today?”

Shoma sighs, again, but this one is lighter, more like his usual exasperation at Yuzuru’s shenanigans. Yuzu lets himself smile, just a little. They can work this out. It’s not going to be forever, probably, and they can deal with it in the meantime.

“That’s a relief,” Shoma says. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you live in Canada. I don’t know how to navigate Toronto, Yuzu, I don’t speak English.”

Ah, the snark is back. If the snark is back, that means that Shoma isn’t spiraling into panic mode or anything. Yuzuru is surprised at how well they are taking this, really. They are being incredibly adult about all of this. They are working things out like productive, capable adults.  

“We’ll work it out. Just tell me if you have training scheduled today? You might have to text Mihoko to let her know that you aren’t coming, unless you want me to go and try skating in your body?”

Shoma is silent for a long, terrible moment. Yuzuru really wants to be able to see his face, so he can gauge Shoma’s reaction. When Shoma stays silent, Yuzu decides that this phone thing isn’t working. It’s too hard to judge what is going on, and even if looking at Shoma right now means looking at his own face, Yuzuru is going to deal.

“Hey,” he says, as gently as possible. “Let’s video chat? I think it’s going to be easier. And I want to see your face. Well, my face.”

That draws a laugh out of Shoma again, but the snarky reply Yuzuru had more or less invited doesn’t come.

“Ok. Do you have a laptop somewhere?”

***

They set up the skype call really quickly, which involves Yuzuru giving Shoma the passwords for his phone and his laptop, so Shoma can use his tech.

“I promise I won’t snoop around in your stuff,” Shoma says. Yuzuru looks confused. Shoma can never quite tell what Yuzu is thinking, and it is terrifying. When Yuzu’s frown doesn’t change or resolve, and Shoma feels like he is going to burst if he doesn’t stop the awkwardness, he adds: “You’re not interesting enough for that.”

Yuzu bursts out into a laugh at that, throwing his head back. It’s weird to see that expression on his own face: it’s such a Yuzuru expression that Shoma feels the dissonance particularly harshly for a moment, feels the strangeness of being outside of himself.

Yuzuru seems to be adapting much easier to the fact that Shoma is now inhabiting his body, which is weird because Yuzuru is so particular about everything to do with it: what he eats, what he wears, how he trains, even his mattress, Shoma has discovered, is extra memory foam that is almost a little too comfortable.

Shoma should care less, but that’s him, on the other side of the world. He wants to be back, he wants to be able to see Yuzuru’s face the way it is meant to be, not the way Shoma makes it look: mildly anxious, mouth tense.

“If you want to play any of my games, you can, just please don’t screw up my levels,” Yuzu says, and it is obvious he’s joking but it’s also. Ouch. Shoma did not deserve that.

“I want you to know,” and speaking with Yuzuru’s voice is so odd, all wrong, like Shoma isn’t quite modulating it right, like the way Shoma uses it is fundamentally off, “I’ll have you know that I am going to finish all your games and then you will have nothing to play.”

Yuzu shakes his head. “Such bravado. I promise the same for yours.”

“Please don’t!” Shoma blurts out, before he can stop himself. Something flickers over Yuzuru’s expression that looks like hurt on Shoma’s features, but why – it’s unlikely. “Please don’t touch my stuff, I’m-“

He should be able to explain why, should have a solid reason, but there’s just a queasy feeling in his gut at the thought that Yuzuru will access everything in his life. Like he can just be Shoma, maybe be Shoma better than Shoma is able to be. Like, once they switch back, Shoma is going to feel empty, because Yuzuru is so much bigger than him, in every way.

Something of that must have reflected on his face because Yuzuru sounds soothing, placating.

“Hey, you don’t have to- I won’t snoop, either, you know that, right? I wouldn’t ever want to make you uncomfortable, so if you say your phone and your games are a no-go zone, I’m respecting that, ok?”

Shoma forces himself to nod, to create a half-hearted smile that Yuzuru can see right through, Shoma can tell.

“Ok,” Yuzuru says, “So about training.”

“You should do it.” Shoma forces out. He doesn’t like it, but he knows his body: even a day of inactivity, even a day of not practicing his jumps, even badly, is going to screw with his condition. He may not like it, but he needs Yuzu to go to the rink and keep Shoma’s body in condition as best as he can, even if Yuzuru ends up screwing with Shoma’s body’s muscle memory and Shoma has to re-train some habits, it’s better than not practicing at all. For all he knows, Yuzuru might help beat his bad habits, seeing as his jump technique is miles better than Shoma’s.  

“Are you sure?” Yuzuru asks. He clearly is following Shoma’s train of thought, because he looks conflicted. “I don’t want to screw with your technique, or end up hurting you in some way.”

Shoma shakes his head. “No, don’t worry. Just.. take it easy? And stop if anything twinges at all, you know I try to be really careful about injuries.”

“Hey, I’m trying to be, too!” Yuzu sounds a bit put out, which sounds funny in Shoma’s voice; it goes high-pitched in a way Shoma would never let happen. He can’t keep the laughter bubbling up inside.

“No, you just train until everything hurts and then that’s the new normal,” he laughs.

“Ugh. Well, I’ll see what condition I’ll be in when I get my body back,” Yuzu complains. “I’ll be all weak and soft because you let my body deteriorate. I won’t even be able to do a triple axel.”

“Wait,” Shoma realizes. “Do you want me to train in your body?”

Yuzuru nods. “It’s only fair? If I train in yours, you should be able to go to the rink and skate, too.”

It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s also not true, not really. This shouldn’t be based on pure reciprocity, because they are different people. They deal with things differently, not just training but everything. Shoma will have to try and talk to Brian Orser, talk to Javi, and he doesn’t know if-

“I’m not sure if I can pretend to be you, Yuzu.”

“Are we..” Yuzu hesitates, and he’s right. They haven’t even considered whether to keep this weird thing between them now a secret or not.

“We should try and keep it under wraps for a few days? See if it all goes back to normal? I don’t want to concern Mihoko or my parents too much, they are already stressed about my performance schedule this off-season.”

“Yeah, ok. I guess… I guess if Javi realizes something is off, he’ll ask you about it. If you want, he can know, but that’s up to you. I’d prefer it if Brian and Tracy didn’t know, they have enough other stuff to worry about, too.”

Shoma nods, smiles. As weird as this whole thing is, as weird as looking at Yuzuru in his Shoma suit is, Shoma is thankful that it’s him. Yuzu has a way of making interactions straight-forward. Yes, he pushes harder than Shoma finds comfortable, but Shoma usually appreciates the push afterwards. He can’t imagine what this would be like, if it were anyone else just taking Shoma’s body.

They are already retreating into their usual rapport, the conversation between them easy and flowing in a way that Shoma rarely experiences with people he doesn’t know very well. It’s not that he doesn’t know Yuzuru, but. Shoma always feels like there is something about Yuzu that he’s missing, like there’s parts of him that Shoma just can’t quite understand. He wants to. He really wants to.

***

Yuzuru comes back from practice frustrated and upset and sweaty. He strips down without thinking, mind still on all the ways Shoma’s body doesn’t quite want to react, focus, work like Yuzuru is used to.

He’s under the warm stream of water in the shower before he realizes that this is Shoma’s body. He’s looking at Shoma when he looks down.

It’s weird, because this is a body that Yuzuru has hugged and tickled and pushed and admired, and now he’s in it. He now knows what Shoma feels when he falls on a quad, and he knows that it feels different than Yuzuru’s own body falling. He knows touch feels different, even clothes feel different against his skin.

It’s small, subtle changes that adjust everything Yuzuru has known about Shoma. And it’s not that Yuzuru’s body doesn’t feel things, but now that Yuzuru’s consciousness has somehow switched into Shoma’s body, he realizes all the differences between this body and his, and it’s kind of intense.

The heat of the water feels different. Shoma’s hair against his forehead is a distracting tickle, the hair of his armpits, too. Shoma isn’t very hairy at all, but what is there is slightly curly in the heat of the water. Yuzuru didn’t pay attention before, when he got dressed, but now he can’t help but look and feel.

He takes the soap and starts rubbing it across his body, and it isn’t until he reaches his belly, the subtle trail of hair there, that leads down, that Yuzuru realizes that what he’s doing is profoundly, profoundly wrong, because he’s touching Shoma. He’s touching himself, which feels right, but this isn’t his body to touch. They haven’t talked about this.

They haven’t talked about how to deal with the strange intimacy of this particular change in perspective, or how to deal with the fact that taking care of each other’s bodies, for the meantime, is more intimate than they have been with each other.

Shoma hasn’t actually permitted Yuzuru to look, but Yuzuru looked, and touched and enjoyed touching, as if this body was his own, but with the knowledge that he is really learning Shoma’s reactions and Shoma isn’t in here right now and that means Yuzuru is the only one making choices about this body that isn’t his.

He stumbles out of the shower as quickly as possible, and even the cold seems more intense than usual.

It might just be Yuzuru’s bad conscience, honestly.

He has opened the laptop and hit call on skype before even drying off properly. He’s still naked when Shoma takes the call, and the video switches on and Shoma’s expression goes from curious to wide-eyed in a split second.

“What did you do!?” Shoma gasps, and Yuzuru can feel Shoma’s body blush.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I came home and got in the shower on autopilot and I just. I had started before I realized that you need to ok this, that you need to know that I-“

“I mean,” and Shoma doesn’t sound as upset as he should, really, Yuzuru expected him to sound torn up about this breach of trust. “I mean, you’ve seen me basically naked before?”

And that’s true and not true, because Yuzuru had seen Shoma change, but he’s always been changing as well, and whatever glimpses he might have caught do not compare to the way he’d taken in Shoma’s body just now.

“I didn’t just-“ Yuzuru brings out, and pulls the towel closer around himself. “I didn’t just look, Shoma.”

“Wait. But you didn’t, like.” Shoma makes a rude gesture, but he can’t even bring himself to say the word, and Yuzuru is the worst person in the world to have done this to him.

“I didn’t, but I touched you, when I was using the soap, and I looked and I just-“

Shoma sounds like he’s working hard to keep his face blank, when Yuzuru looks up. It hurts. It’s not an expression Yuzuru has ever seen on his own face, and it isn’t even an expression Yuzuru has seen on Shoma’s face, directed at Yuzuru, very often lately.

“Was it-“ Shoma’s voice sounds tight, low in his throat, “Did you like it? Touching-“

Me. Him. Touching Shoma’s body. It goes unsaid.

Yuzuru nods, risks a look up to see his face still blank, but his eyes wide.

“Oh,” Shoma breathes out, and Yuzuru looks back up when he hears a rustle, then an elbow knocking into the desk.

Shoma is taking Yuzuru’s t-shirt off Yuzuru’s body with a determined look on his face.

“If I didn’t get a choice, then you don’t get a choice, either.” He says, stony.

“No, no, that’s fair, you’re allowed,” Yuzuru stutters out. He really doesn’t mind it, wouldn’t have if he hadn’t made this mistake, either.

Shoma doesn’t know where the idea that reciprocity isn’t necessary went, but it’s gone. Yuzuru had seen him, touched him, and liked it. Enjoyed Shoma’s body without Shoma even in it.

If Yuzuru gets to do that, then Shoma gets to do the same. At least Shoma had the grace to wait until Yuzuru is actually somewhat with him.

“I want you to.”

Yuzuru’s shirt is off, and Shoma can see Yuzuru in Shoma’s body staring at him, but he can also see Yuzuru’s body in the little box in the corner of the screen. Yuzuru isn’t really more slender than Shoma, but because he’s taller, everything seems thinner, wiry rather than stocky.

Usually, Shoma looks at Yuzuru’s body and thinks grace, and strength, and about how weird and wonderful Yuzuru is. Right now, he can’t think any of those things, because Yuzu is in Shoma’s body, staring wide-eyed at Shoma’s reaction to Yuzuru’s naked chest.

It’s a bit funny.

It’s absolutely surreal.

Yuzuru’s nipples are pale pink, and his belly has the slightest creases where the skin folds because Shoma is sitting. Under that is muscle. His arms are muscly. His pecs are. Well. Shoma has noticed them before.

He doesn’t know how this whole thing could spiral so quickly, or why he put all his cards on the table, revealed everything he’s been keeping carefully secret, but-

“You can take off my trousers.” Yuzuru says, and Shoma’s voice sounds rough in a way it never has before.

That’s weird, too, hearing that kind of sentence in Shoma’s voice. But it’s Yuzuru saying it, and Yuzuru is in charge of the body Shoma is in, so Shoma listens.

He gets up, and sees Yuzuru’s stomach muscles shift as he straightens, sees them tighten and become defined. Shoma’s body doesn’t look like this: he’s softer, his muscles are there and well-defined, but there is the slightest layer of fat over it that Yuzuru just doesn’t seem to have. If Shoma wasn’t in this body right now, he would want to touch it anyway, just to see what it feels like.

He can still do that, of course, but it feels strange, with the feedback loop that touching oneself always entails. With Yuzu watching. Watching Shoma touch him. What a mind fuck.

“You should touch, too.” Yuzu says, encouraging. When did an act of revenge reciprocity turn into Yuzu encouraging Shoma to touch himself? Shoma doesn’t know, but his hands, which had been hovering by his sides, uncertain about what to do, find Yuzuru’s neck, slide down from there, over his chest and stomach to where his trousers sit.

Yuzu nods encouragingly. He is biting Shoma’s lip, which is weird because that is a thing Shoma does but didn’t realize looked so… wanton, almost. Turned on.

He vows to never bite his lip during a cantilever ever again, if that is how he looks when he does it.

He pulls the pants down and off, and is confronted with wiry, muscular thighs and a growing awareness of a bulge that is becoming uncomfortable.

Quite. Uncomfortable.

Shoma has seen Yuzuru in his short program costume, he has noticed this, too. He has been careful not to look. But that doesn’t make it less strange to look down, and feel Yuzuru’s body react to the slow curl on want and arousal Shoma feels.

He throws an uncertain look at the screen, where Yuzu is looking. Looking intense, and focused and still biting his lip.

“Keep going.”

This doesn’t feel like reciprocation anymore, this feels like something else. By Yuzu’s account, he hadn’t done more than what Shoma has already done, so he should really stop. He should shut this down. They should talk about the lines, the boundaries that exist for them, the things they are and aren’t allowed to do to these bodies that aren’t their own but that they are living in right now, that they are feeling and conscious of and responsible for and.

Shoma is really, really hard and Yuzuru is watching him, and watching himself, and that’s a bit of a mindfuck, like the question whether you’d fuck your clone. Only this isn’t a clone, this is Shoma.

“Please, Shoma, just.” Yuzuru’s voice is. Almost pleading, now, but also frustrated.

“Just look at me.” Shoma’s gaze snaps up from where he’d been staring at the floor, to where Yuzuru is glaring at him from the screen, using Shoma’s own features against him.

“No, I mean. Look at my body. I want you to.. see me. I’d rather I be here when you do it. I want to watch you see me.”

And oh, that has a certain beauty to it, a loop like that. Shoma slides the underwear down Yuzuru’s hips, feels them glide down his legs until their hit his feet, and steps out of them. Yuzu’s cock bounces a little, still hard, a little bigger than Shoma had imagined.

His hand moves toward it without Shoma really thinking about it, but he stops himself before he can touch, when Yuzuru makes another frustrated noise.

“Shoma, please. Just touch me.”

Shoma throws him a helpless look, because this isn’t how this was supposed to happen. This isn’t how Shoma imagined this, touching Yuzuru like this, for the first time.

“Did you-?” he asks, and looks down again, to where he really, really wants to pay attention but really, really shouldn’t.

“No, Sho, I promise. I realized what that would mean and I know. I know you probably don’t want me to, so-“

Shoma nods, considers this. It’s true: He doesn’t want Yuzu to get himself off, to experience Shoma’s body like that while Shoma isn’t there.

“But I don’t feel like that.” Yuzu says. “I.. I really, really want to see you do this, please. Just touch me.”

“But-“ Shoma starts, and stops, and finally brings his hand down and around Yuzuru’s cock. He tries to imagine what it would feel like, normally, how different it would be if they were two bodies, rather than Shoma on his own in Yuzuru’s form and Yuzuru on the other side of the planet.

It still feels good. It doesn’t quite feel like masturbating usually feels like, because Yuzuru’s body is different, receives feedback differently from Shoma’s. It still feels good, but Shoma can already tell that he doesn’t quite know what to do, that he won’t be able to get Yuzu off as easily as he can himself-

“But?” Yuzu prompts, and Shoma can hear the grin in his voice.

“But do you just want to see yourself jerk off?”

Yuzu laughs, fond.

“I told you. I want to see you. Even like this, there is something about the way you move, that I could never-“

Shoma gasps, his grip tightening painfully. Yuzuru’s body reacts so differently.

“Ok. Ok, but... keep talking,” Shoma whispers. “Please.”

As long as Yuzu is talking, Shoma isn’t alone. He can almost pretend that his hand is Yuzuru’s hand and that he is stroking Shoma, or that Shoma is stroking Yuzuru. As long as Yuzu is telling him what to do, Shoma isn’t in his head, focusing on all the wrong things.

“Come sit down again,” Yuzuru says, and watches Shoma stumble back into the chair, hand still holding himself. He can almost imagine what that feels like, the sense-memory deeply embedded. He knows it feels good. Shoma’s body is reacting, too, and Yuzu shifts in his chair.

“Ok. Bring your other hand up to your neck, and just hold it there, touch my collarbones, my jaw.”

It’s odd, watching his body perform these movements that Yuzuru usually only ever experiences. He knows what he likes, he knows how to get himself off, and he wants to help Shoma feel that, wants him to feel the relief and satisfaction. Wants to see Shoma’s expression when he comes, even if it is through his own features.

It’s weird, but it’s whatever. It is also super hot to watch Shoma curl his hand around his cock and stroke up, watch him bite his lip. His eyes have fallen closed.

He follows direction so well.

“I wish I could be there with you,” he finds himself admitting, and Shoma gasps, quietly, his hand tightening in a way Yuzu knows is painful.

“Gentle, gentle. Tease, a little. Fingertips,” He says, and notes that Shoma probably likes other things, likes it firm and faster than Yuzuru can take.

“I like... when everything is soft. Sort of. Teasing.”

There’s sweat beading on Shoma’s forehead, and his expression is crumpling. The dissonance between seeing himself and knowing that it is Shoma feeling is startling. It’s so weird, and he wishes, for a stinging second, that he could see Shoma like this, looking like himself. But if Yuzu closes his eyes, Shoma sounds like himself. When he looks at him again, body draped back against the chair, hand a desperate fumble, all Yuzuru can see is Shoma: in the motions, the curve of his neck and the sprawl of his knees.

Talking to him, when he’s like this, fully open, it’s easy. It doesn’t feel like Yuzuru is revealing too much, because Shoma, without words, is revealing just as much.

Shoma whimpers, again, sounding helpless, tense.

Yuzuru wants to take him apart like this, once they are back in their own bodies. He wants to make Shoma feel like this again, and again, without the strangeness of the body swap between them.

Shoma is gasping, softly, trying to keep the noises in as he tries to move Yuzuru’s body to orgasm.

Yes, telling him what to do feels like giving up every secret Yuzuru has ever harbored, feels like sharing himself completely. But Shoma just follows along, trusting and accepting every sentence as truth, and every reaction to a new touch, a new piece of skin is a revelation. Every gasp-

When he comes, Shoma feels completely exposed, naked to the very soul of him. He also feels warm.

“I wish you were here with me,” he brings out, as this body, for the first time since he woke up, feels ok. It doesn’t feel his, but it feels like they understand each other, now.

When Shoma looks up, Yuzuru looks as messy and exposed as Shoma feels. Hair in his eyes, lips bitten into redness. Towel slipping off his shoulder.

They look at each other for a long, stretching moment, something unsaid between them that they maybe should address, but there is not a word that can quite describe it.

***

In hindsight, maybe that wasn’t the best idea, Yuzuru thinks, as he gets ready for a nap. Mihoko sent him home after his disastrous practice, which he had wanted to tell Shoma about but didn’t.

He feels strangely jetlagged, even though he usually never has problems sleeping, not even when he is in a different time zone.

Shoma has been sleeping for hours now, he’ll get ready to wake up and take advantage of Yuzuru’s private ice time, soon.

The sex, if they can even call it that, had helped, or it seemed to help, to get Shoma more settled in his skin. Or, well, in Yuzuru’s skin. And Yuzu had really, really wanted to see him, wanted Shoma to experience that and wanted him to know that Yuzuru trusts him, completely.

But it was also overwhelming, and strange, and maybe not the best way to have a first time with someone.

And all because Yuzuru couldn’t keep his hands to himself in the first place. Well, at least now they have ground rules in place: casual, normal touching is ok, as long as it is cursive and brief, so showers and dressing and all those things are in the clear.

And as they’ve both seen the other completely naked now, they are fine with that, too.

Yuzu lies down in Shoma’s bed, and stares at the ceiling. He’s fine with Shoma’s limits, understands them better now that he knows how Shoma experiences even the slightest touch. His body isn’t like Yuzuru’s, who needs coaxing, a particular kind of touch to focus on it. Shoma responds to light touches like slaps, unexpected touches make him tense. His body is so responsive, it’s almost overwhelming.

Sexual touching is a hard line for both of them, unless they are talking to each other and can negotiate it on the spot.

If what had happened hadn’t happened, if Yuzuru hadn’t pushed Shoma to touch himself like that, to please himself, the rule would have probably been no sexual touching at all.

Which would be fine, depending on how long this situation lasts.

Yuzuru has a schedule, and he likes his schedule. It makes his body feel good.

Currently, his body feels tense, and wound up, and tired, and he can’t sleep.

He ends up watching some movies on Shoma’s laptop. One of them, Yuzuru remembers Shoma talking about it, has a boy and a girl change bodies. They are strangers when it happens.

Yuzuru shudders, and feels incredibly thankful, for a moment, that his body is in good hands with Shoma, who is so, so careful not to cross any boundaries.

***

Yuzuru is still awake. He suspects, now, that this isn’t some weird body swap jetlag, but rather something Shoma hasn’t told him about.

Insomnia would be a good explanation for the fact that Shoma is always tired, easily jetlagged, and generally unfocused when he’s not on the ice. Insomnia also sucks.

Shoma’s skype switches to “available”, and Yuzuru has never in his life hit a button this hard.

“Hey, why are you still awake?” Shoma asks, and Yuzuru can see him blushing a little.

“I don’t know,” he replies, grumpy. “Why don’t you tell me?”

There is an awkward pause, in which Shoma seems to look for answers anywhere in the room that isn’t the laptop.

“I… don’t know?”

Shoma can see that Yuzuru isn’t happy with this answer, but there is nothing much he can do about that. Shoma is not going to tell Yuzuru what he does when he can’t sleep, even though Yuzuru probably wouldn’t mind it, or judge him for it, or feel weird.

It’s just that Shoma doesn’t want Yuzuru to do that, while he’s in Shoma’s body. It’s selfish, maybe, and kind of silly, considering that Yuzuru is currently inhabiting his body: He knows what Shoma’s body feels like from the inside out, what difference does it make if he enjoys it in every way possible?

Yuzuru, after all, shared that with Shoma. By all means, Shoma should be generous enough to let Yuzu have a peaceful night of sleep, at least.

“Why don’t you tell me about your day?” Yuzuru asks, interrupting Shoma’s slow spiral into despair.

“I went to the rink!” Shoma starts, and when Yuzuru nods, he continues.

“I found it pretty easily, your were right, it’s not far at all, and no one was there, not even Coach Orser or Javi.”

Shoma pauses, thinks about how to phrase it.

“Your body remembers how to skate pretty well. If I don’t think about what I’m doing, everything works the way I want it to. But-”

Yuzu laughs.

“Yeah, I know. As soon as I started thinking about how to do it, it fell apart.”

Shoma shrugs, laughs with him.

“Muscle memory is good.”

“Did you fall?” Yuzuru doesn’t look too worried, just a little concerned. Shoma wonders whether it’s for him, or for Yuzuru’s body, and settles on a solid both.

“Only twice, and not badly. No hurts or twinges for you, Yuzu!”

“So you are keeping your word, huh.”

“I try,” Shoma says, and it comes out a little too serious. A little too honest.

“But,” and Yuzu makes very fitting doomful noises that make Shoma laugh again. “Ok, no, but I met Javi, and he knew something was up immediately.”

“What about Brian?”

“He just thought you were having a weird day. I tried looking extra grim and frustrated.”

Yuzu laughs, throws in a sarcastic “Thank you!”

“No, but, Yuzu, Javi says that Miki knows someone who had the same thing happen to them! He called her, and asked her about it, and she said she will find out how they fixed it.”

“Did they laugh at us a lot, first?”

Shoma looks at him, head angling in that curious way he does when he wonders.

“Yes, why? Did they not mean it?”

And of course he would think he was out of the loop on some joke. There is not a malicious bone in Javi, and while Miki can be mischievous, she is one of the kindest, most generous people Yuzu has ever met. They would never laugh at Shoma, or joke in a way that was mean.

“No, no, I’m sure they will try their best to help. I think they just find the situation ironic.”

Shoma doesn’t look less confused, but his confusing looks adorable, even on Yuzuru’s face.

“I think Mihoko suspects something as well,” Yuzuru says, to distract Shoma.

“Oh,” Shoma breathes out, “Yeah, she would. She knows me really well.”

Yuzuru knows that. Yuzuru also knows that there is no reason to feel strangely protective and simultaneously jealous when Shoma’s expression goes crumpled and sad.

“I miss her.”

Yuzuru nods. “Yes. I understand.”

They end up watching another movie together, Yuzuru sharing the screen. They talk idly throughout, about the characters and how they would do so much better in their situation.

“Shoma?” Yuzuru asks, after the movie has ended, and they have been quiet for a little. “Why do we never do this?”

Shoma considers this, how it feels natural to spend time with Yuzu like this, how it isn’t that much different from other times they hang out, during competitions and shows.

“I don’t know,” he starts, and reconsiders. “I think we were trying to compartmentalize.”

“How do you mean?”

It’s a leading question, Shoma is aware. Yuzuru has his own answer to this, and Shoma wants to know if it is the same one that he has been carrying around with him for the past months, and maybe longer. Maybe ever since Yuzuru first tried to be his friend, when they hadn’t yet worked out how to joke with each other.

“I think... I thought I would be distracted, if I thought about you too much.”

“Would you think about me more if we talked between events?”

“No.”

Shoma can see, immediately, that Yuzuru misunderstands.

And he could let him, could let him think that Shoma rarely ever thinks about Yuzuru when they aren’t together, but that’s not true.

“I couldn’t think more about you,” he rushes, before Yuzuru can articulate whatever he feels.

It stops Yuzuru in his tracks.

“Oh.”

There is a rush in Shoma’s veins that could mean he is blushing, but it feels a whole lot like bravery.

“I think about you all the time.”

There is a small smile uncurling in Yuzuru’s face, and Shoma wishes, fiercely, that he didn’t have to see this expression filtered through his own features. He wants to see this expression be purely Yuzuru, wants to see it on his face. He closes his eyes and imagines it, imagines seeing Yuzuru smile like that.

It almost works.

“I like you, too, Shoma,” Yuzuru whispers, gently, sounding just like himself.

***

When Shoma wakes up, it’s almost evening. It must be early morning in Japan, early enough to be painful. Yuzuru must be at practice or asleep again, because his skype is inactive.

Shoma hopes he just slept in. Shoma knows he doesn’t sleep that well, but he’d always assumed it was a mental thing, not physical. He’s realizing that these things are more intertwined than he had expected. Even after only two days, he feels more at home in Yuzuru’s body that he really should.

It’s worrying.

He keeps thinking about their conversation, about how despite all the weirdness and, probably, the consequences they both will suffer from missing so much practice and school work to try and find normality in their switched places, it’s also been weirdly good.

Shoma hasn’t felt this safe in a while, or this relaxed, at ease. Holed up here in Yuzuru’s apartment, even on the rink of the cricket club, it’s been nice.

He loves home, he loves his little apartment near the rink, and he loves Mihoko and his family and the few friends he has at university, but he also likes this.

He likes spending time with Yuzuru so much, and he tried not to admit that for so long. They both did their hardest to ignore whatever that thing between them was, but this had brought it all out in the open, and it has made Shoma greedy.

He wants Yuzu here, close to him. He wants to talk to him, to hold him, to talk to him all the time.

It’s weird that, after everything they have done, after everything they have admitted over the past two days, it’s now that Shoma realizes that he’s absolutely in love with Yuzuru.

Honestly, it’s a bit hilarious.

***

Yuzuru wakes up from his nap in his own skin. He knows it happened because his limbs feel the right length again, a low tension in his back has disappeared. His sheets feel comfortable against his skin, rather than too tight and too warm and too much.

He should feel relief, but instead he feels bereaved, for a split second in which he misses Shoma’s physicality. The feeling fades fast as he settles back into his own body, stretches and presses back against the bed.

It feels good, it feels good. He wants to take his skates to the rink and see if his body remembers him, train until exhaustion seals the last dissonance between him and his body. He wants to jerk off to the memory of watching Shoma do it.

Instead, he picks up his phone and calls him. The laptop is too far away, and Yuzuru is feeling lazy.

Shoma picks up on the third ring with a drowsy “Hello?”

“Hey Shoma?” Yuzuru grins. His voice is his own again. He’d almost gotten used to hearing Shoma’s every time he spoke, had gotten used to modulating Shoma’s vocal cords in an imitation of his own when they were speaking. Not having to focus on it is a relief.

“What.” Shoma groans. “What do you want.”

His voice, too, sounds wonderful. Sounds right. Yuzuru wants to hear him speak all the time, but right now, he mostly wants to hear Shoma laugh.

“How do you feel?”

“Wait. What. We’re back?!” His voice is full of disbelief, a low surprise that he isn’t even trying to hide.

“How!?”

“I don’t know!”

It remains at that. They don’t know what fixed it, but they are back where they started. Yuzuru gets up, enjoys a shower that is twenty minutes long, and heads to the rink to train.

***

Shoma gets an email reminder a few days later.

He’s back to his regular daily rhythm: early morning practice, then homework, some at home exercises and a nap, then video games.

The flight leaves Tokyo in two days, destination Toronto. He thinks Yuzuru must have bought it when he thought the body switch situation would be more permanent and never cancelled it. He doesn’t know for certain because they haven’t really spoken since that phone call after they switched back.

Realizing that you are in love with someone does not make it easy to talk to them. Shoma doesn’t know how to start talking again, now that they have no reason to interact. He understands, now, why they never really talked when they weren’t physically together: It’s difficult. It’s difficult to assume that Yuzuru will make space in his schedule for Shoma, and it’s difficult to start a conversation, and it’s difficult to miss him but Shoma is sure that at some point, it has to stop being so hard, right?

He hates this.

He hates missing Yuzu and he hates that he can’t just call him because it has been three days and Yuzu hasn’t called him, either.

He hates the ticket, too, because there is an option for him to just go and fix it.

If Shoma uses it, he can be close to Yuzuru, and everything is easier when they are together, when they can touch and joke and fall into place like they do. Like they have always done.

But he’s also scared that they won’t fall into place.

He’s unfocused at practice, unfocused enough that Mihoko calls him to the boards.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just-“

Mihoko doesn’t usually interrupt him, but she stops him in his tracks with a raised hand that she holds over his, gently patting his hand in a way that is meant to soothe her rather harsh words.

“Please don’t make excuses. Just tell me, and I’ll help you fix it.”

Shoma nods. She is right, he hasn’t been telling her enough for her to understand what is going on, and he really should. He’s also missed her so much, even though he’d only been in Toronto for a couple of days.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been talking to Yuzu--”

Mihoko’s eyebrows shoot up, but she doesn’t say anything, just nods at him to continue.

“And it’s... been a Thing?”

That earns him a smile, at least.

“And then we stopped talking.”

Mihoko frowns.

“So talking to him distracted you because it turned into a Thing.”

She says Thing with air quotes, Thing in English, like Shoma had. A Thing. How apt.

“And then not talking, about the Thing-“ air quotes, again, and yes, Shoma understands that she wants to know, ok, but he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how to define what happened and what that did to his friendship with Yuzuru. “—not talking about it _also_ distracts you.”

Shoma nods, hesitant.

“Well, Shoma. Do you have a plan as to how to fix it?”

“I mean… he did buy me a ticket to Toronto?”

Mihoko stares at him.

“For... tomorrow? And the flight back ten days later?”

Mihoko stares harder.

“I don’t know if I want to go, though?”

Shoma can hear his voice turn plaintive, sort of pitiful. He doesn’t usually sound this hopeless. He tries very hard not to sound like this, ever.

Mihoko’s eyes turn soft.

“I think you should go,” she says.

Now it is Shoma’s turn to raise his eyebrows and stare.

“I’ll call Brian Orser and see if you can train with them for those ten days. If he says yes, you go and talk to Yuzuru. You can see if the talking can fix the talking and not-talking you have done about the Thing.”

Air quotes, again.

Shoma really, really loves Mihoko.

***

Brian is conspiring against Yuzuru. He is almost certain that Javi is in on it, but Tracy isn’t. Tracy is too honest and kind to conspire.

He sees the two of them giggle again, out of the corner of his eye. Tracy seems about as put out about it as Yuzuru feels.

So instead of paying attention, Yuzuru just sets up another triple axel, jumps, lands it. It’s not perfect. Something has felt off ever since the body swap.

Something has felt off ever since he stopped talking to Shoma.

It’s weird, almost weirder than the whole body exchange had been, because the weirdness of that has almost receded into the back of his mind, leaving only the pleasant memories of talking to Shoma deep into the night, watching movies. Watching him touch Yuzuru. Being with him, really. Just being with him.

Yuzuru doesn’t know why they stopped talking to each other completely. It just happened: he’d called the morning they had switched back, and then nothing had happened after that. Shoma hadn’t called him back, and Yuzuru just. Stopped, too. It wasn’t even stubbornness; he just wants go give Shoma some space.

Maybe he’d been a little hurt, not to hear from Shoma.

It’s weird, but he misses him like he missed his body while it was someone else’s.

He sets up a triple flip, and while he’s in the air, he realizes that that muscle memory wasn’t his. He’s never taken off into a flip like this. He falls hard, the air pushed out of him and bones aching at the impact.

“Shit, are you alright?” Javi is already skating up to him, interrupting his own practice to reach a helping hand out to Yuzu, who still can’t force air into his lungs. He knows it will happen, sooner or later, as his body gets over the shock of hitting the ground so hard, but right now, it just hurts.

Javi wraps his arm around Yuzuru’s waist, simple affectionate camaraderie that Yuzuru’s body just soaks up. He missed this, the casual intimacy that his body accepts and appreciates.

“Ok?”

Yuzu nods, breathes deep. He already feels alright again, and could probably continue skating. But the twinge in his knee, so slight he usually would just ignore it, reminds him.

“Hey, Javi? Did Miki ever tell you about those other people?”

“Oh. Yes, she found out but only after you had already switched back.”

Javi looks cagey, a little shifty. Yuzuru frowns at him.

“So tell me?”

“Uhm.” Javi turns to look for Brian, who is busy with another student and not at all willing to bail Javi out of this situation.

“Why don’t you want to tell me?”

“Because you might not like it, and then you will be upset and angry with me and it will be unpleasant for everybody.”

Yuzuru shakes his head, and Javi sighs, takes in the stubborn set of Yuzuru’s jaw and accepts that he won’t be able to convince him otherwise.

“Miki thinks that body switches happen when people who belong together don’t quite understand each other. Like some force, be it something cosmic or just the desire of the people involved, really wants to push them together? The people she knew about, friends of hers, they were separating after a long partnership when the exchange happened.”

“What happened to them, after?”

Javi smiles at him, something sad tugging at the corners of that smile.

“They didn’t get back together, but it helped them understand each other, Miki says. She thinks it saved their friendship.”

“What do you think?”

Javi shrugs.

“I think relationships take time, and commitment, and work. This kind of thing always seems like it rushes things that shouldn’t be rushed.”

***

Javi picks Shoma up at the airport and drives him to Yuzuru’s apartment. It doesn’t take longer than an hour and a half, but Shoma manages to fall asleep on the way. He hadn’t slept on the plane, too nervous to function, and now the jet lag is catching up with him.

For a split second, Shoma wishes he was back in Yuzuru’s body, because Yuzuru’s body didn’t do this.

Then Javi is leaving Shoma in front of Yuzuru’s door with his suitcase and his backpack and running away.

“I don’t want him to know I helped.”

Like Yuzuru won’t be able to tell. But just in case he doesn’t suspect anything, Shoma is not going to tell him.

He rings the doorbell.

Nothing happens.

He rings the doorbell again, but Yuzuru still doesn’t open the door. Perhaps he isn’t actually home. Perhaps, against all odds, Javi was wrong.

Shoma’s heart is beating a little too hard, his mouth feels dry. He’s been nervous for so long, the feeling should by all means be his new normal. Instead, the thought of having to wait for another who knows how long causes Shoma to feel even more anxious. He tries to swallow but only succeeds in making his throat constrict.

Maybe he shouldn’t have come after all.

He rings the doorbell again, then steps back to fish his phone out of his pocket. Maybe he should text Javi to come back, to pick him up.

Maybe he can hide out in Javi’s apartment and play with his cat for the next ten days. He’ll have to relearn all his jumps after a vacation like that, but it might be worth it to not feel the queasiness low in his stomach that he feels right now.

Yuzu finally opens the door.

His hair is a mess, he is wearing pajamas that are slung low on his hips and his eyes are slightly puffy. He’s so beautiful and so weird and Shoma has been missing him so much. The feeling overwhelms him, stuns him.

They stare at each other for a long moment.

“Shoma?” Yuzuru croaks out, voice coated in disbelief.

“Hi.”

Yuzuru’s face goes stormy, then smooths out, a few different, undecipherable emotions passing too fast for Shoma to parse them. He doesn’t try. He tries a smile, instead.

“I knew Javi and Brian were planning something.”

Shoma shrugs. “But _you_ bought the ticket.”

Yuzuru stops, stares at him. His expression resolves into a quiet huff of a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

“That’s true, I remember doing that.”

He steps back, waves his arms to usher Shoma in.

“I take it you are staying with me?”

Shoma nods. Obviously, because where else would he want to be?

“Then… I assume you know your way around? It’s not very big after all.”

It’s the first time they’ve talked about the body swap thing since that call after everything had righted itself. It’s also the first time they’ve talked since.

Shoma walks in slowly, pulling his suitcase behind him, careful in his approach. For all that he’s smiling, Yuzu’s sentences are sharp, pointy things. He deposits his suitcase in a corner in which it will not be in the way, and turns to face Yuzuru again. He can feel Yuzu looking.

“You can stop walking on eggshells, I’m not mad at you.”

Shoma tilts his head.

“You sound mad.”

Yuzuru tilts his head the same way, his face serious.

“Yes. I don’t want to be, though.”

Yuzuru looks at him a little longer, takes in the bags under Shoma’s eyes and the slight tremor in his hands that are clear signs that he hasn’t slept on the plane. That he wasn’t able to sleep on the plane, most likely. It’s not really late enough to go to sleep again, and too late for a nap, so Shoma will have to suffer for a little longer.

“Have you eaten?” is the offer Yuzuru settles on.

Shoma nods. “I had food on the plane.”

Of course Shoma would count airplane food as actual nourishment. Sometimes Yuzuru wonders how Shoma could even happen to him, he’s so...

“Let me rephrase: Are you hungry?”

Shoma shakes his head, quiet. Yuzuru nods.

They stand there in silence, just looking at each other again. Shoma starts chewing on his lower lip in a way that looks almost painful, since it is chapped already. Maybe Yuzuru shouldn’t be looking, but they said goodbye to shouldn’t and propriety a few days ago. He really wants to reach out.

For once, Shoma beats him to it.

“Yuzu... Can I have a hug?”

They’ve shared so much over those past days, before everything had come to a silent standstill, and they had been slowly working towards something significant in the weeks before, and for a moment, Yuzu wants to consider the question a setback. But then he thinks about all the ways in which they had to talk about sharing touch, and how the body swap had changed every established notion of physical contact and-

He’s glad Shoma asked. He’s relieved Shoma knows he _can_ ask, that he dares ask, when he’s uncertain about whether his touch will be accepted and appreciated, rather than just not offering it at all.

Shoma looks terrified.

Yuzuru nods, and opens his arms to Shoma, but he doesn’t expect the way Shoma hurls himself at him. Shoma collides with Yuzuru’s chest with a low thump, his arms wrapping around Yuzuru’s waist and his head buried in Yuzuru’s neck. His breath is warm where it shudders out against Yuzuru’s skin.

Yuzuru remembers his body, remembers how Shoma’s body understands a soft touch as a tickle and tenses, and places his arm around Shoma’s back with firm pressure, presses the other hand onto the back of Shoma’s neck and holds him there while Shoma just melts into Yuzuru’s touch.

Yuzu can feel his breath even out from the frantic shudder that it had been, until Shoma is completely relaxed. Yuzuru feels tension drain out of his own body in response. He only realizes how much of it he had been holding once it is all gone.

Shoma’s hands curl around his t-shirt at his sides, holding on tightly.

They stand like that for a few long moments before Shoma moves back, but his hands stay fisted at Yuzu’s sides, holding onto him. Shoma’s face is flushed, but he looks more at home with himself now. Yuzuru smiles at him.

“Hello.”

“Hi.” Shoma smiles back. “I want to tell you that I missed you.”

Yuzuru nods, pulls Shoma back in until his face is against Yuzuru’s shoulder again, wraps his arms tightly around his back and sighs.

“I missed you, too.”

Shoma nods against Yuzu’s chest, rubbing his face against it like a cat. They couldn’t stand closer if they tried.

Yuzu pulls him over to the bed and they flop down. Shoma giggles, rolls himself onto his side and looks at him.

“Are we ok?”

Yuzu nods, smiles again. Everything is falling into place again like it never does with anyone else. His arm is stuck under Shoma’s back, but he’s close against Shoma’s side, and Shoma smells a little stuffy, like airplane air, but Yuzu can’t get himself to mind when he is so close, finally.

“I think we can work it out.”

They lie there tangled up together on the bed, curled up in each other, watching a movie on Yuzuru’s laptop. Yuzuru is kind of thoughtlessly caressing the soft skin behind Shoma’s ear, where he’s learned that Shoma is particularly sensitive. Every once in a while, when Yuzuru’s touch becomes more of a tickle than a stroke, Shoma shivers against his side, but he doesn’t move away or tell Yuzuru to knock it off.

Shoma doesn’t want to tell Yuzu to ever stop. He’s tired, and drowsy, and he hasn’t felt this calm or comforted in forever. Yuzu is a warm weight against his side, and the movie is background noise at best, and every time Shoma shivers he wants to giggle a little.

They take turns in the bathroom, showering and brushing their teeth. Shoma could probably ask for the guest futon, but he doesn’t want to, and Yuzu doesn’t offer.

He showers, and standing in that shower again is a strange deja-vu, only now when he looks down it isn’t Yuzu’s slender body he sees but his own, shorter, stockier frame. He uses Yuzu’s shampoo, though, just because he can.

When he comes out, Yuzu is already under the covers, laptop discarded by the side of the bed. When he sees Shoma standing there, in boxers and his t-shirt still sticking slightly to his skin, Yuzu’s eyes go wide, before his expression slides into a grin. He lifts the side of the covers like an offer and Shoma rushes in. The bed is big enough that technically, they don’t need to lie quite so close, but Yuzu is smack-dab in the middle and really, Shoma likes having the excuse.

He fits himself against Yuzu’s side like it’s natural, and Yuzu’s face goes surprised, then bright with a smile, and he shifts a little to make their hips and knees align a little better. He ends up on his back, with Shoma on his side, bracketing him.

Shoma is close enough to be able to count Yuzu’s lashes, to see the little specks of colour that make his eyes a warm shade of brown. This is the closest they’ve been, since.

He wants to be closer.

Shoma shifts a little, raises his hand slightly, hesitates. Yuzu catches his eye at the motion, and Shoma reaches out, slowly, incrementally, caressing a slow, teasing slide from one side of Yuzu’s waist to the other.

He breathes in, deeply. Shoma watches, rests his movement, until Yuzu turns his head to face him a little better, which puts him almost close enough to lean his forehead against Shoma’s.

Yuzu’s eyes are darker than Shoma’s ever seen. His lips look very soft.

Shoma snaps his eyes back up, when he feels Yuzu’s hand on his, sliding his fingers through Shoma’s until he is holding Shoma’s hand down on his waist. Shoma couldn’t pull away if he wanted to.

He sighs, happy, feels the warmth of Yuzu seep through him. He moves his pinkie, just a slight bit, because he remembers how good these small, very soft touches felt against his skin. Because he remembers how good it felt to tease, and Yuzu’s soft exhale at every caress is a reward.

***

Going to practice at the cricket club is excruciating. Not only are there more strangers than Shoma is used to, but there is Javi, who keeps throwing them weird looks.

There is also the fact that now that they can physically touch each other, Shoma is having trouble stopping, and Yuzu isn’t making it any easier. It feels almost as if Yuzu knows every single place on Shoma’s body that makes him feel a little weak in the knees, a little tender and desperate, and goes for those spots with reckless abandon.

It’s not difficult. All he has to do is wrap a firm arm around Shoma’s waist, to spin them around. Shoma laughs, but it’s a little breathless.

He presses a palm against Shoma’s stomach and pulls him back, and out of the way of another skater, and Shoma feels something hot shoot through his body, every nerve ending screaming.

He catches hold of Shoma’s shoulder to lean in and whisper a funny comment about Javi in Shoma’s ear, and his hand slides from his shoulder to Shoma’s neck in a firm, even caress that makes a shiver run down Shoma’s back.

“Break it up, love birds,” Javi singsongs, skating past. He totally deserved that comment.

Javi just shrugs and skates off, and ok.

That isn’t helpful. Shoma doesn’t know what to do with that, because-

They still haven’t talked about whatever they are, or want to be, or could be. They haven’t talked what happened while they had switches bodies, or how to categorize it. There are a lot of things that they should talk about.

He doesn’t know how to confess his feelings, and how that will change their relationship, again, and he half does not want to, because it has only just righted itself somewhat.

And whenever Yuzu is close enough to talk to, Shoma would always rather reach out and hold him.

Judging from their track record, Yuzu feels the same way.

Yuzuru watches Shoma’s face fall when Javi lets off his dumb little joke, and wishes he could just distract him again, so he doesn’t have to look so concerned, so borderline scared.

But he’s also growing a little impatient of waiting for Shoma to make up his mind, waiting for Shoma to start that conversation they really should have. Yuzuru doesn’t want to push too hard, but Shoma is here. He came all the way here, and that is a clear sign that there is something there from his side, as well.

Yuzuru sets up a triple axel out of a spread eagle, lands it and falls into another spread eagle. Why can’t everything be as simple as this.

He wants to laugh, because sometimes, when they just sit together, talking and hanging out, it is this simple. It’s everything around that, that is complicated.

Shoma starts into a triple axel, but Yuzu can tell immediately that he won’t land it. He starts off in Shoma’s direction before Shoma’s even fallen, because he remembers this, the loss of equilibrium.

Shoma crumples down on the ice, but is up like a flash almost immediately.

“Keep your core engaged, and don’t chase the jump that much. You have the momentum and you know it.”

The advice comes out sounding harsher than Yuzuru intended, but Shoma just takes it with a nod and a bow, and skates off into the next axel attempt. This one is a little better.

Yuzuru doesn’t mean to stalk Shoma around the rink, watching his jumps flip-flop between improved and same-old, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t try giving any more advice, though.

***

Shoma had good intentions. They did not involve crowding Yuzu against a wall and kissing him, but that is what happened.

It’s just that Yuzu has been touching him all day, directing him, slowly driving him insane. And then, on the walk home, just before they had to cross an intersection, he had taken hold of Shoma’s wrist, firmly, to hold him back, and he hadn’t let go. He just started to draw circles with his fingertips, on the soft skin of the inside of Shoma’s wrist.

Shoma had managed till they reached the door, and crossed the threshold, and then he just turned around and crowded Yuzu back against it, and Yuzu is taller so Shoma has to lean up to kiss him, but Yuzu met him halfway so this is probably not even exclusively Shoma’s fault.

Yuzu is slumping, a little, against the door, bending his knees just enough to fit one between Shoma’s legs, to pull him in closer by the back of his head.

Shoma tries to keep the kiss soft, just the slightest hint of lips against lips, but Yuzu buries his hands in Shoma’s hair and pulls him in, and Shoma goes.

Shoma lets himself be pulled, opens his mouth and lets Yuzu explore, gasps when Yuzu’s leg presses up and has Shoma stretching up to kiss him harder, to press closer against him.

Yuzuru feels good at this, like he has been waiting for it since Shoma arrived.

Every press of skin against skin is a tease, and he’s so hard and he wants to see Shoma come apart so badly. He wants to do what they did, before, but this time he wants to be the one touching Shoma, doesn’t want to have to watch. He wants to touch Shoma’s body, too, like he never really got the chance to when they were swapped.

Shoma breaks out of the kiss, breathing hard, and moves back.

“Shit, shit, sorry,” he croaks out.

His lips are pink and soft, and his cheeks are so flushed. Yuzuru wants to keep kissing him, wants to pull him onto the bed and undress him completely, wants to see him see Yuzuru looking at him, take him in.

“No, Shoma, please.” It comes out kind of plaintive, almost complaining. He doesn’t want to complain, because this was good, this was so good.

He doesn’t try to touch, so his hands hover kind of awkwardly. “Do you not want to?”

Shoma shakes his head, dives back in for another kiss before fleeing again. This time, Yuzuru follows, puts his hands on Shoma’s shoulders and kisses him, firmly. Shoma whimpers, but when they come apart, he smiles.

“Just let me-” he starts.

“Can you just-” Shoma says.

They laugh, and Shoma darts back in, again, this time just to wrap his arms around Yuzu’s waist, and hold on.

“Can you just tell me what to do, again.”

It’s. It was easy, when it was Yuzu’s body that it was all about, to guide Shoma’s actions. But this is a different situation. Different rules should apply.

“What if I say something you don’t want to do?”

Shoma shrugs, moves out of Yuzuru’s arms to look at him properly again.

“I don’t think that will happen, but if it does, I just... say no?”

Yuzuru huffs out a laugh. “Well, obviously. But I mean, more, like. What if I say something and it seems like a good idea in that moment but then afterwards you realize I pushed you too far.”

Shoma looks at him, for a long moment, and then kisses him, again.

“I never feel bad about you pushing me,” he says, kisses Yuzu again. “I like it. I liked it then, and I liked what happened.”

Yuzuru can feel himself blush. Shoma, too, is entirely pink, now. He leans down and presses a kiss against the corner of Shoma’s mouth, his cheek, and Shoma leans his head back, offering himself up. There is a spot under Shoma’s ear that Yuzuru remembers very well, and when he presses his mouth against it now, Shoma’s breath stops.

He pushes his hands under Yuzuru’s shirt as revenge, running fingertips over his waist, and up his ribs.

Yuzuru takes a step back to take off his shirt.

“You’ve seen me before, no need to stare,” he jokes, and Shoma shrugs.

“Not really. I mean. It’s different from this side, like. Knowing that when I do this-” he reaches out and fits a hand to Yuzuru’s hip again, right over where his bones stand out sharpest. “It’s better when _you_ feel it.”

Yuzuru nods, fits his hand over Shoma’s.

“I understand that.”

Shoma looks up at him, lower lip caught between his teeth again.

“There was a dissonance, being in your body. It didn’t feel right. Like, it felt good, what we did, but I...” he hesitates, and Yuzuru can see him thinking, searching for the right words. “I want to feel it properly, as myself. You know?”

Yuzuru nods again.

“And,” Shoma continues, looking like he just suddenly realized a mistake. “I want to feel you. Don’t just tell me what to do. Touch me.”

Yuzuru nods, again, feels a smile develop on his own face that mirrors on Shoma’s. He steps closer, again, pulls him into another hug. Sneaks his hands under the back of Shoma’s t-shirt, and slides up, pulling it with him. Shoma lets out a laugh, hiding his face in Yuzu’s shoulder. His skin is so soft. Yuzuru knew this, but it’s still different, to feel it with his own hands, the warmth between them.

“I just want to touch you,” he whispers, into the nook of Shoma’s shoulder, after they have got his shirt off. “Come on, let’s just-”

He maneuvers them over to the bed, pulling Shoma along by his wrist again, sits down and pulls Shoma over him, onto his lap.

Once they’re there, looking at each other, Shoma’s face goes back to bashful, and shy, but Yuzuru is a quick learner. He leans in, forehead to forehead, and lets Shoma bridge the gap between them with a soft kiss. It turns heated quickly, Shoma shivering while Yuzuru runs his hands up his back, over his shoulders, mapping him out. His sides are as ticklish as Yuzu remembers, so he keeps his caress firm, certain. His belly is soft, but there is firm muscle under his skin, his nipples turn to hard nubs when Yuzuru runs his thumbs over them.

Shoma reacts to every caress like he hasn’t been touched in years, shifting into firm touch and shivering away from butterfly softness. He’s so entirely different from Yuzuru, who is suddenly thankful to have been there, to know this.

It’s like the swap enabled them to skip a period of figuring each other out, so now they can just enjoy it. Maybe Javi was right, and it is rushed. Yuzuru certainly feels a rush, when his hands land low on Shoma’s hips, where the waistband of his underwear pokes out, and Shoma instinctively shifts back into his hands, moving his hips in a way that presses them together in interesting ways.

Yuzuru gasps into the kiss, disjointed as it is, and Shoma giggles.

“What?” Yuzuru brings out.

Shoma kisses him again, finally moving his hands to Yuzuru’s shoulders from where they have been resting by his sides.

“I don’t know.”

Yuzuru leans back to look at him, takes in Shoma’s flushed face, and kiss-bitten lips, and has to laugh, too.

He tips his head back, and Shoma wants to kiss him, there. Remembers how his body reacted when Shoma ran gentle, teasing fingers across his collarbones, along the base of his neck.

“Touch me,” Yuzuru whispers out. “Please.”

So Shoma does. Yuzu’s hands are still low on his hips, fingers sneaking down every once in a while in a way that makes Shoma want to scoot closer and run away. Instead, he focuses on the noise Yuzu makes when Shoma leans down and presses a soft, butterfly kiss to the side of his neck. The way he shivers when Shoma moves down, lips touching skin ever so slightly, and presses an open mouthed kiss to his collar bone.

Teeth happen more or less by accident, but Yuzu’s hips snap up against his own when Shoma accidentally grazes his collarbone, lets out a groan and leans back further, giving Shoma space to explore. His hands are tight on Shoma’s waist, holding him down, holding him firm on Yuzu’s lap. He feels at a loss.

“What do I do?” Shoma asks.

“Do that again,” Yuzuru brings out. His eyes are closed, but his lips quirk up. “Do that, but like. You can use your teeth. That was good.”

He lets go of Shoma’s waist to lean back onto the bed, leaning up on his elbows. There is so much skin for Shoma to kiss, so he does. Moves from one side of Yuzu’s neck to the other, kisses his collarbones. Yuzuru smiles, breathes, every time Shoma lets up.

“Keep going, please.” His hips are moving against Shoma’s, and Shoma can feel him. He kisses down Yuzu’s chest, to where his stomach is quivering. “Yeah. Keep- You can, if you want?”

Yuzuru looks down, and Shoma slides off his legs to the floor. He has seen this, of course, it’s hard to avoid knowing how sex works. But he has never done this, so there is a moment of awkwardness, where Shoma kneels on the floor between Yuzu’s legs, and Yuzu just stares at him.

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t what Yuzuru had meant. Shoma reaches out to the waist of Yuzu’s trousers.

“Can I?”

Yuzu nods, lies back onto the bed to free his arms, to help Shoma pull his trousers off. Shoma has to laugh, because the motions are so Yuzu, kind of floppy and simultaneously so graceful and coordinated. He can’t really keep the giggle down, when they’re finally done, and Yuzu is sitting before him, naked, Shoma’s hands on his knees, because he’s kneeling between them.

It’s a lot.

It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before, but. It’s a lot.

Shoma swallows. Yuzuru is looking at him like a question, but ends up just leaning up and pulling Shoma up by the back of his neck, into a kiss that feels heated and sort of frantic. When they come apart, they are both breathing hard, and Shoma really, really wants to make Yuzu feel like that, but more.

He remembers how it felt, when he’s finally gotten there, and he wants to do that for Yuzu.

Yuzu’s thighs are tense under his hands, when he runs them up to his hips, but cock is as lovely as the rest of his body, hard against his stomach.

Yuzuru makes a helpless noise.

“I don’t know what to say, now,” he says, in a low rasp that is a little unlike him. Shoma looks up.

“Just tell me what you like. I just. I can just.. do? Things? But I need you to talk.”

Yuzuru nods, smiles at him.

“Come up here and kiss me more?”

So Shoma does. When he leans up on his knees, Yuzuru reaches out to pull him in, pull him flush against his body, and Shoma can feel every part of him, and it’s. It’s hard to concentrate on the kiss when Yuzuru’s cock is caught between them and he wants to touch him so badly.

Shoma groans, tries to sneak his hands between them to curl around Yuzu, but Yuzu laughs into the kiss and reaches out to hold his hands away by catching him at the wrists, by holding him in place.

Shoma is so, so hard, too.

It’s good to know that Yuzuru isn’t the only one who is utterly desperate. Shoma looks destroyed when Yuzuru finally breaks the kiss. He presses down harder around Shoma’s wrists and Shoma shivers against him.

It feels good. Yuzuru wants more of that.

“Take off the rest of your clothes?”

Shoma looks at him, heated and sort of flustered, again. His eyes keep drifting down, but down isn’t helpful right now. He nods, but looks back up with a grin.

“You have to let me go, first.”

Yuzu laughs, lets him. Shoma has to stand up from where he had been kneeling, and Yuzuru uses his chance to scoot back onto the bed, pull Shoma with him by the waist of his trousers until he falls onto it, next to him. He pushes his trousers down, and Shoma kicks them away.

It’s difficult not to stare. When Yuzuru was in Shoma’s body, he tried his best not to, because Shoma was so uncomfortable with the idea. Now, here, Shoma looks flushed, but he isn’t hiding, so Yuzuru looks his fill. Shoma’s body is a source of constant confusion to Yuzu. He’s so small, but on the ice, he seems larger than life.

Here, in Yuzuru’s bed, he is somewhere in the middle. On ice, he carries himself with a certain grace that seems to go into hiding when Shoma stops performing. Sprawled out next to Yuzuru, flushed and hard, Shoma regains whatever it is.

Yuzuru leans in, fits a hand low on Shoma’s stomach, and kisses him, hot and smooth. Shoma’s hips shift as he tries for some contact, but Yuzuru holds him there, lets the kiss go soft, gentles Shoma down until he just lets Yuzuru kiss him. Yuzuru smiles into the kiss, and Shoma breathes out a sigh that disappears between them.

“I want to do this all the time,” Yuzuru finds himself saying. “I want to be able to do this with you, whenever possible.”

Shoma turns into Yuzuru’s body, hiding his face in his shoulder. His forehead on Yuzuru’s shoulder, and Yuzuru’s hand on Shoma’s hip are their only points of contact, but Yuzuru feels enveloped regardless. Everything has gone warm and steady, now that he has Shoma naked and present and so open with him.

“Yuzu...” Shoma starts, hesitates again. When he doesn’t start speaking again, Yuzuru leans up, dislodging Shoma from where he is hiding. He still doesn’t look up, or meet Yuzuru’s eyes.

It’s worrying.

“Do you want me to push you?” Yuzuru ends up asking. He doesn’t want to, but Shoma had said before that it could be helpful. Maybe it can be helpful in more than one way.

Shoma nods, eyes closed, so Yuzuru moves his hand up to wrap around the base of Shoma’s head, buries his hand in the hair there and moves Shoma’s face up enough to fit their lips together again.

Shoma melts into the touch, opens his mouth to the kiss, and when they finally break apart, he smiles.

It’s a little sad, that smile. Yuzuru realizes, painfully, that this really has been too easy. Javi was right, but only in some ways: they had let the rush of it all move them without ever really talking about all the other parts connected to this thing between them. Yuzuru’s stomach drops, a feeling like skating out on the ice after a disastrous short.

He wants to fix whatever it is, but before he can do that, Shoma has to tell him what is happening right now.

“Shoma, please.”

Shoma nods, rolls onto his back. Yuzuru stays on his side, leaning on his elbow, so he can watch Shoma’s face better. It is set to a blankness that Yuzuru hasn’t seen directed at himself in months. It makes Yuzuru’s body feel cold.

“I think,” Shoma starts, and he looks conflicted now, which is better than blank.

“I don’t want this to be a thing we only do when we are together?”

The feeling is a band around his lungs that makes it hard to breathe, but Shoma has to say this now, before they get distracted by the easy intimacy between them, and everything gets worse. Shoma need to know what Yuzu thinks about this, and he needs to set these boundaries for himself. He can’t let Yuzu think that this is in any way casual, when the swap has made Shoma realize the extent of his feelings.

“I... after the swap, when we didn’t talk, I thought. I thought it had been a one-off, you know? But now we are doing _this_ , and I like it, you know I do, but. When you say you want to do it all the time, I need you to know that I can’t-”

He can’t deal with being with Yuzu like this, but only once in a while. He can’t deal with the fact that he isn’t part of Yuzu’s life, until he is, and then they are so close. He can’t let himself fall into this thing between them, if there are no guarantees, because missing Yuzu like he has for the past days is terrible, and distracting, and detrimental to his skating.

When Yuzu says all the time, Shoma needs him to mean it.

Yuzuru isn’t sure what his face is doing, but it must be something not-good, because Shoma leans up, properly sits up, and looks at him seriously.

“Yuzu, I- This is easy.” He gestures between them. “Hanging out with you has always been easy. And I don’t want that to change, but it has, because we are doing this, now. And I don’t know if I can do this, and then not see you or talk to you for weeks, and fall back into it.”

Shoma looks down. He looks small, now, exhausted.

“It hurts.”

Fuck. Yuzuru sits up, too, to be on a level with Shoma.

He never ever wants to hurt him.

“Why does it hurt?” he ends up asking. It seems like the easiest question to answer, at this moment.

Shoma looks at him, aghast. It’s not the kind of question he’s expected, and he feels his face slide into surprise, eyes wide. He speaks before he thinks.

“Because I like you too much.”

Shoma looks like he wants to swallow those words back down, but Yuzuru can feel his own face break into a smile.

“That’s good.”

It’s easy to say, after everything, but Shoma still looks confused, and sort of beside himself, like he doesn’t quite know what to do with all this honesty.

“Oh.”

“When I say that I want to do this all the time,” Yuzuru says, and he can feel a laugh bubble up in his lungs, the queasy feeling in his stomach gone, “what I mean is that I want to do everything we do. All the time.”

Shoma doesn’t quite know how to parse this, a sudden influx of information that makes him realise that he isn’t the only one utterly invested in the other. It’s a strange thing to notice, after months of pining, friendship, and sex.

“I want to do what we were doing before, hanging out and gaming and practice, and I want to do what we did while we were swapped, skyping you and talking to you and keeping up with your life, and I want to do what we’ve been doing.”

“So...” Shoma says. “You want everything?”

Yuzuru nods. Shoma still looks like he doesn’t quite trust him, so Yuzuru leans over, and kisses him again.

“I mean it. That time we didn’t talk? After the body swap? I wanted to call you all the time, but I was waiting for you. I thought that you should get to choose whether you want anything to do with me.”

Shoma’s eyes go wide.

“I didn’t want to bother you!” he blurts out, and looks immediately embarrassed. “You don’t feel like I do, I thought I was being a nuisance!”

Yuzuru wants to pull him back in, because Shoma should never feel embarrassed. Although right now, the feeling is quite appropriate, because...

“I do feel the way you do, though.”

Shoma tilts his head, and Yuzuru can’t bite down a smile.

“I think I’ve been a little bit in love with you since we started hanging out, or I wouldn’t have kept pushing you to be my friend.”

“Oh.” Shoma nods. “Ok, good.”

He leans in, and kisses Yuzuru back. Yuzu smiles into the kiss, and Shoma can’t help but mirror that smile. Turns out that it is impossible to kiss when there are smiles involved, so they break apart.

“Come here?” Yuzuru says, and pulls Shoma back onto his lap, just like they had started out. Only now they are smiling at each other like idiots, and Shoma is wrapping his arms around Yuzuru’s neck and kissing him back.

They’re pressed together chest to hip, Shoma’s legs on either side of Yuzu, and he’d almost forgotten that they were both naked when they were talking, but now that they’re skin to skin, Yuzu can feel himself go hard again.

He breaks the kiss, looks at Shoma.

“I want to make you come.”

It’s a frank admission of intent, and Yuzuru might feel embarrassed if he hadn’t just admitted a lot of more important things.

“I want to make you feel good, and I want to feel you and-”

Shoma is looking at him, smile growing on his face.

“Can I please?”

Shoma nods, darts back in to kiss him.

“If you promise we aren’t going to have another radio silence?”

Yuzuru nods. “I hated that.”

“Me, too. Let’s never do that again.”

Yuzuru runs his hands up Shoma’s back and sides, again, down to his butt. He wants to cup it, feel the skin there, too, but doesn’t quite know whether that’s allowed until Shoma presses back into the touch. The shift presses his cock against Yuzuru’s, lining them up and Shoma goes utterly still.

“Shoma,” Yuzuru gasps. “Shoma, please, can I touch you?”

He spreads one hand low on Shoma’s back, and slides the other over, to where they are pressed together. Shoma nods, frantic, and shudders when he moves back a little. Yuzu caresses his belly, the soft skin there, and then slides his hand down to wrap around Shoma’s cock. Shoma’s hips thrust up into his grasp, which is a little too gentle. He whines, and Yuzuru remembers how Shoma had tried to touch himself, at first, before Yuzuru explained how his body works.

He grasps him tighter, presses the other hand firmly into his back to hold him close, and Shoma lets out another whine. One of his arms loosens where it was wrapped around Yuzu’s neck and comes down between them, touching Yuzuru hesitantly. It’s too much, the weight of Shoma on him, his touch, the fact that he can see every caress reflected as pleasure in Shoma’s face.

Yuzuru grabs Shoma’s wrist and pulls his arm behind his back. It pulls them apart a little, causes Shoma to lean and arch his back and his cock slides against Yuzuru’s and it’s so good.

“Is this good?” Yuzuru asks. “Can I hold you like this?”

Shoma nods, his other hand finding Yuzu’s jaw and running his thumb along it. He tries to lean into a kiss, but has to arch harder to stretch up, and it’s beautiful. It feels so good.

Yuzuru strokes him faster, watches Shoma’s eyes fall shut as his hips start twisting in small, unconscious circles. He can’t quite thrust, because he doesn’t have enough leverage to do so, between Yuzu’s grip and his body, but even that little feels amazing.

Every once in a while, Yuzuru’s hand slides along his cock while he’s stroking Shoma, and Shoma’s thumb moves in small, unconscious circles on Yuzu’s jaw, and Yuzuru leans forward to kiss him, finally, and Shoma opens up under him and the position shifts them close together again, so Yuzu can grasp both of them in his hand.

It takes only a few more strokes for Shoma to come, body tightening between them and going tense, then lax. His mouth goes soft, and he slumps forward, face hidden in Yuzu’s neck, breathing hard.

Yuzuru lets go of his wrist, finally, just holding him, hand on the back of his neck, as he continues to tease himself.

Shoma can feel his hand moving against his sensitive cock as he comes down and shivers. Kisses Yuzu’s neck again, gently applying teeth, and causing Yuzu to shudder in return.

Everything between them is slick, time is liquid, and so is Shoma’s body. He tries to shift back, but Yuzu holds him in place, so instead Shoma slides a hand between them, over the head of Yuzu’s cock as Yuzu strokes himself, and touches him, less pressure than a butterfly kiss.

He wants to kiss him there, but he isn’t sure if he wants to right now, when kissing Yuzu, touching him gently as Yuzu brings himself off, feels so good.

Yuzu’s breath comes faster, and it breaks the kiss, so Shoma kisses down his neck instead, his collarbone, bites there, gently, and feels Yuzu go tense under him, feels his hand clamp down on Shoma’s neck as he groans, as he comes.

“I didn’t even see you,” Shoma complains, once Yuzu loosens his grip on him.

Yuzu just laughs, his face scrunching up, and wraps his arms around Shoma and brings him down with him when he collapses back. He’s so silly, and Shoma loves him so much.

He lies there, and thinks, and feels Yuzu next to him, and it isn’t hard at all to tell him.

Yuzu looks at him, eyes warm, and kisses him on the nose.

“I know.”

Shoma nods.

“Hey Shoma?”

Shoma turns in Yuzu’s arms a little so he can properly look at him. Yuzu smiles at him, eyes soft.

“Want to go to dinner tomorrow?”

Shoma nods. They have to eat, after all.

Yuzu laughs at him, and Shoma realizes that he has missed something.

“Oh.”

“It’s a date.”

Shoma leans up to kiss Yuzu, just a quick tease of a thing, and smiles brightly.

It’s nothing they haven’t done before.

 


End file.
